It takes losing something and then gaining it back to appreciate what you had in the first place. I’m incredibly privileged that I get to say that at the age of 30, I’ve bought a house.*
*Terms and Conditions Apply.
In January of 2023, after months of looking for houses and years of putting together the money to do it, my parents and I have split the cost on a house in Bangalore, as they decided to permanently move here. I left Kolkata at 19 years old, and my parents left it in their mid-50s.
It took a decent chunk of their life savings and mine, but we have a place to call our own here. Legally speaking, this is the first piece of property with my name (along with theirs) on the papers.
Of course, the euphoria didn’t hit until much later. We’re all very pragmatic workers, and there was no time to celebrate while there was work to be done in moving, clearing up finances with our previous place, and the small matter of my grandmother passing away a week before we had to move.
In our culture, when someone dies, the family goes through a 12-day mourning process. This may or may not be performative, but an important aspect is that auspicious events, such as a wedding or the purchase of a house, must absolutely not be conducted during this time. So plans were in crazy flux then.
However, on March 1st, I woke up to my first month in my adult life where I didn’t have to pay rent. It was an unreal feeling.
Thankfully, home ownership in India is not as ludicrous a prospect as it is in the west, with 69% of total households in India being owned (though the number is bumped up by 95% rural house ownership). Nevertheless, at a personal scale, house ownership is one of the most significant privileges you can ever have in your life.
Rent is by far the biggest expense we have in an urban lifestyle today. Rent is so large, it is multiple times more than all other basic expenses combined. It doesn’t help that rent is a big fat monthly chunk for most salaried people. If they don’t save up over time, they can never stop earning for any reason.
In other words, most people never have financial security. And that is why mental health issues are rampant today.
I first felt financially secure in 2021, when I got the first paycheck from my latest job. I’d made a significant jump in salary from changing companies, and when the SMS came, a change came over me. It wasn’t euphoria, but it was definitely great happiness and relief.
Cut to 2023, and I’ve recently resigned from that job because of burnout. I’ve been working continuously for over 9 years, and I needed a break. The fact that I don’t have a monthly tithe of rent to pay has given me, for the first time in my life, the option to quit a job without signing on for another. For the first time in my life, I am allowing myself to be on a career break. (This is a big deal to me!)
It takes losing something and then gaining it back to appreciate what you had in the first place. When I was a child, I was not capable of fully appreciating what went into having and keeping a home as my parents did.
Through my college and early career years, I stayed away from family and have been on rent constantly, and I didn’t realize that I was experiencing financial insecurity because it is deemed normal. It is deemed normal for a young person to leave their homes and struggle in their twenties. It builds character, I was told.
And while that may be true, I am cognizant of the fact that me getting to be a homeowner at 30 is an extraordinary privilege. Most people don’t own homes until much later in life; a large group don’t own homes ever.
And that is fucked. The financial burden in my twenties was a sword of Damocles hanging over what was otherwise a good life. I had a social life, I was developing a deep inner world and a lot of professional skill. But the fact that I had to work all the time meant I could never fully take a break during acute depressive phases or other health issues.
Owning a home has made me realize that everyone deserves a home, because for the first time in my life, I feel normal and powerful. I feel like I can play on a level playing field with anyone. This shouldn’t be a privilege, this should be a basic right.
But within the logistics and capitalistic structures of our world, this isn’t possible. And I’m too small to solve the problems of the world. All I can do is be grateful for what I have.
I don’t know how long my career break is going to be. Actually, that’s a lie. It’s probably going to be three months. I am not one to resign without a firm plan. September is hopefully going to be another life-changing experience!
But once I resume, I want to dedicate a portion of my income to donate to housing and shelter projects, because I don’t need as much money anymore. I’m aware of a couple of charities, but if you have a recommendation, let me know!
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