To Master Change, Figure Out What's Normal
3 stories to help you in your journey
“Normal” is an ugly word.
Normal is what oppressors use to justify keeping “non-normals” down over their skin, their sexuality, and their bank accounts.
Normal is what overwhelmed folks use to avoid their dilemmas.
Normal is what politicians and leaders say to shirk their responsibilities and make the troubles of the people unseen.
At a personal level however, having a better relationship with “normal” can yield a number of benefits. Understanding what’s normal is important data that helps you achieve any goals you may have. Allow yourself to ponder three questions about “normal”.
If you’re in a hurry, there is a summary at the bottom. 😀
Thanks for checking out Thorough and Unkempt!
1. What is your normal?
I’ve had troubles with binge-eating for a long time. Having binge meals allows me to stop spiraling emotions and quieten my brain for a while.
As someone who generally tries to live without shame, my eating habits are still something of which I am deeply ashamed.
This year, while I was tackling an acute period of depression, I decided to take some control of my binge-eating. I limited binges to two dinners a week - Wednesdays and Saturdays. This schedule was frequent enough where I could drown my feelings, but infrequent enough where I could slowly take control of my weight and health.
You cannot start to run without learning how to stand first. Figuring out what is your normal is important data that becomes the impetus for change.
I hate that I’m admitting this, but at my worst, my most common binge meal was a double patty fried chicken burger, and chicken-loaded fries. I always eat my binge meals alone and locked in my room, because I was ashamed of my family watching me eat. There has been more than one instance where I’ve thrown up after eating. This was my normal.
More recently, I’ve been better about my eating habits, weighing everything I eat. It was an easy way to track calories and take control. I also cut my binge meal down to a single patty fried chicken burger, and plain fries. This was a ~50% smaller binge.
Last Saturday I decided to enter that into my calorie tracker and was shocked that my binge meal was still ~1500 calories. So my previous binge meal would have been ~3000 calories, in addition to anything else I was eating that day. This was well above my maintenance limit of 2100 calories.
Even after cutting back to twice a week, I was undoing any healthy eating I managed during the rest of the week. It’s no wonder then that I’d been unable to control my weight.
Learning that my normal isn’t normal gave me the urgency I needed to start addressing this. I’m now trying to cut out fried chicken out of my binge meals altogether, in favor of grilled foods instead. I’ve also been measuring my meals and have stayed in the 1600-2000 calorie range for three weeks. This has already started to bear fruit and I’m already losing fat and sleeping slightly better.
You cannot start to run without learning how to stand first. Figuring out what is your normal is important data that becomes the impetus for change.
2. What is normal during change?
YouTube is a blessing for free knowledge and training advice. There is a fitness coach and influencer named Jordan Syatt from whom I’ve taken away a number of principles about healthy eating:
(As long as you keep going,) You cannot fuck this up.
Weight fluctuates on a daily basis. Look for trends instead.
When eating in a calorie deficit, it is normal to be a little hungry.
That last one in particular is what inspired me to start weighing my food again and take positive steps with my eating habits.
Another YouTuber / medical professional had “Sore is normal” on a whiteboard in the background in a video. That quote helped me stop worrying about overtraining and simply do my best.
When you are making any type of change, some amount of discomfort is normal. Understanding the extent of that discomfort helps you manage expectations and stick to habits long-term.
No matter what habit you’re working on, it is normal for change to be slow at first and then pick up steam with consistency. It is normal to experience resistance - both from others and from your own brain. Keep reminding yourself of that fact and change becomes much easier.
3. What is the normal you’re trying to achieve?
In a non-fitness story, figuring out what was the normal I was trying to achieve helped me immensely.
In July 2016, I took my first ever antidepressant. It was 10 AM, I was working from home before it was cool, and my doctor had given me a tiny white pill.
I will never forget the relief I got when I took that pill. It wasn’t because of the medicine’s effect - antidepressants take a few weeks to fully start working. The relief came from the acceptance of a new normal.
Knowledge about mental health is woefully uncommon, and until that day, I was still treating depression like a character flaw. I believed that it was my fault that I couldn’t get my act together.
The act of taking a pill was me accepting that depression wasn’t my fault, it was simply an illness that needed to be treated.
Since then, I’ve learned that I will probably have recurring acute periods of depression for the rest of my life, but that moment will always stick with me to remind me that it is simply an illness. I’ve been able to manage this illness much better ever since, and even help other people in need with information and resources. That is a meaningful change.
We are more malleable than we think. Defining a new normal for ourselves helps us choose a direction to walk in. Knowing where you stand and where you want to go is crucial if you’re going to make your journey mean something.
“Normal” is nothing but the summation of change over time. Give yourself the necessary knowledge that allows you make those changes effortless and automatic, and sustain them through a lifetime.
Summary
Normal is an ugly word, but you can use it to form a better relationship with yourself.
Assess what your current normal is. It will give you valuable data that spurs you into action.
Understand that when you are trying to change, some amount of discomfort is normal. This will give you the courage to keep trying.
Envision the normal you want to get to. Making the new normal effortless and automatic will give you the best chance at success.
Thanks for checking out Thorough and Unkempt!
Reply to this email blog - tell me your story about struggling with normal.
Thanks for the good read ☺️