Don't Know What to Gift Your Loved Ones? Here's How to Approach It

My 5 tips for giving gifts that cause the heart to flutter

It’s December, and for a lot of people, that means holidays and gift-giving. Apparently thinking of gifts is difficult for some of you, and since I’ve always loved giving gifts, here are my top 5 tips (Summary at the bottom).

1. Start with love language, but don’t think too hard

In his book The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate, Gary Chapman says that people receive love in 5 different ways:

• Words of Affirmation - compliment them, tell them you love them etc.

• Quality Time - spend time doing fun activities together

• Receiving Gifts - give actual material gifts

• Acts of Service - help them with tasks and free up their time, e.g. cook a meal

• Physical Touch - literally touch them, e.g. hugs and caresses

Learn more here: https://5lovelanguages.com/learn

If you know someone’s love language, matching it will get the most happiness and reaction out of them. You can get them a service or a fun experience.

However, if you’re not sure about their love language, don’t think too hard. This article is anyway focused on physical gifts.

2. Choose a centerpiece item that takes up most of the budget

Depending on how big your budget is, a single item can be enough. I don’t know many guys who wouldn’t love a PS5 or a phat beefy gaming PC.

However, you might not have INR 40,000 to 2,00,000 to spend on a gift for a single person. I’m going to guess you probably don’t have that budget for a friend.

😇 You can get me a game for my Nintendo Switch this Christmas if you like. 😇 Photo by Yasin Hasan on Unsplash

The good news is your centerpiece doesn’t have to be expensive to be impactful. A high-quality meal, a small art piece, taking them out on a day trip around the city - all good gifts that are much more friendly to your pocket.

Putting together an ensemble gift, like a basket or a box, also triggers the feels in your loved one.

If you know your giftee’s love language, let that be the centerpiece. E.g. get someone a massage (touch), deliver a meal (acts of service), make them a video telling them how you feel about them (words of affirmation).

If you don’t know your giftee’s love language, consider small art pieces or plants to decorate their home. If they are creative, consider a tool or hobby gift such as kitchen knives or a calligraphy set. If they’re athletic, get them gear such as trekking boots or a set of resistance bands.

For a Secret Santa gift a couple of years ago, I got my friend a beginner chef’s knife, to encourage him to cook.

3. Think of the themes of the occasion

After we graduated from college in 2014, a number of my friends got married. I put together a wedding box for some of them. It contained:

• a centerpiece related to them,

• a cookbook, because traditional gender roles dictate that women cook

• a book on career/adventure, as a reminder to not get stuck in traditional roles

• a whole bunch of chocolates

• a 2-4 page letter telling them how much I love them, wishing them the best of luck in their marriage, and reminding the couple to support each other.

Use themes as inspiration to find your centerpiece items or the ancillary items around the centerpiece. In the above example, the two books were ancillary gifts that together had the theme, “support your partner but have your own life.”

For birthdays, I like to lean on the theme of age (obviously), whether I’m ribbing them for getting older or celebrating their youthfulness. That usually informs a choice of book, if I don’t have anything more specific.

For marriage anniversaries, there are already lists of themes by number of years. See https://www.eternityrose.com.au/anniversary-gifts-by-year.

4. Lean on consumables

Consumables are awesome gifts because they are practical. If people don’t like useless gifts, they can always appreciate something to eat or drink.

Consumables also open up opportunities to give your loved ones new experiences. Some people aren’t adventurous eaters, so gifting them an artisanal product acts as a recommendation from you to try something new.

That’s 3 litres of tea, that became 3 litres of kombucha. Some of it was gifted.

For example, I started drinking clear, white, green, and black teas after my cousin gifted me a taste pack from a company called TeaBox. It was a wonderful gift, and made me realize I should explore indie food companies. The same cousin gifted me flavoured honeys another year.

I love giving high-quality coffee, chocolates, ice cream, or kombucha as gifts.

On occasion, I make something nice myself, so I’ll take out a small portion to gift, such as brownies and chili oil.

A big batch of brownies becomes at least 4 portions of gifts, often 9.

I was experimenting with chili oil at home and loved it so much that I sterilized a couple of small glass jars, and made taster packs for friends I was going to meet over the weekend. It got a hugely positive review. 😁

As Chef Jon Kung said, this feels like cheating in the flavour game. His recipe.

Consumables are fantastic items to add to a centerpiece or ensemble. Often, high-quality consumables will grab attention away from other items.

5. ALWAYS add a note or letter

Maybe it’s because I’m a writer, but I always write a note with a gift, and it is always well-received.

You give gifts to people to express your love for them. Take a few extra minutes to be more overt in telling them that you love them by writing a note. Here’s what I wrote for the knife gift above:

I can give these examples because my friend was kind enough to dig up the old photo for me.

If you don’t feel comfortable writing a letter, write a short note. Here’s a format for a simple but heartfelt note.

Dear NAME,

Use the first sentence to wish them on the occasion. Use the second sentence to express your predominant feeling for them. Use the third sentence to make a wish for their future.

Love,
NAME.

For example, for your student moving to another country,

Dear Prerana,

Here’s wishing you well on the next phase of your life in Canada. Watching you blossom into a conscientious, ambitious, and empathetic young woman has been a huge joy and a point of pride. Keep kicking down doors.

Always your mentor,
Vaibhav.

Write something personal and meaningful. If that means dealing with “icky feelings”, tough it out. Make every gift meaningful.

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Summary

1. Start with their love language, but don’t think about it too much.

2. Choose a centerpiece that is personal to them.

3. Use the themes of the occasion to add meaning to the centerpiece or to ancillary gifts.

4. Give consumable gifts as practical and new experiences to your loved one.

5. Always write a note. A few extra minutes adds a lot more meaning.

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